On dignity, honesty, and refusing to become what hurts us…
The Question
I was once asked what bothers me the most. What really ticks me off?
At the time, I answered honestly. At my age, much older now and perhaps a little wiser, there is not much that gets under my skin anymore. The exception is suffering: the suffering of my fellow human beings, and the suffering of biodiversity, the animals, the ocean life, the plants, and every living system we depend on and share this Earth with. That suffering still moves me, and I hope it always will.
But that answer, true as it was, was not the whole truth.
The Answer I Did Not Give
On a personal level, what bothers me most is something I find in myself: the moments when I slip into acting like a victim after someone attacks my beliefs or my perspective.
When I cry and complain about an injustice done to me personally, I do not like who I see. I see a whiner. I see a child, an immature brat, even in the moments when I truly am the one on the receiving end of the injustice or the attack. Being wronged is real. But how I carry that wrong matters just as much.
The Pressure to Pretend We Are Fine
Here is the complication. Many of us, myself included, feel we must give the impression that we are fine, that we can handle it, when someone bullies us or attacks our human dignity. So we swing between two unhealthy poles: swallowing the hurt in silence, or pouring it out as a complaint.
Neither is right. Pretending we are unaffected is its own kind of dishonesty, and it quietly teaches those who wrong us that there is no cost to doing so.
And there is something striking happening right now that many of us are witnessing. Some of the very people who are quickest to mock, belittle, and attack others are the first to fall apart completely when the same treatment is turned back on them. Toughness that only flows in one direction is not strength at all.
Refusing to Become a Hypocrite
I do not want to be a hypocrite. And I definitely do not want to become like those who are mean and cruel, especially those who justify their cruelty with religious ideas that have drifted far from basic human decency and respect for others. Faith, at its best, calls people toward compassion. When it is used as a weapon to judge and wound, something essential has been lost.
If I answer cruelty with cruelty, or answer an attack with endless self-pity, I have let the attacker decide who I become. I refuse to hand them that power.
The Third Way: Assertiveness
So let me restate my answer more precisely. What bothers me is when I complain about personal attacks instead of being assertive.
Assertiveness is neither aggression nor timidity. It does not lash out, and it does not shrink back. It simply states, plainly and calmly: That was wrong. Please do not do it again. And then it moves forward.
That is the posture I want to practice. It honors the hurt without being ruled by it. It protects my dignity without attacking anyone else’s. It draws a line, and then it gets back to the work that matters.
A Society Grown Cautious
Many people are hurting deeply right now. Some carry that pain with grace and handle it well. Others turn it outward, judging people whose beliefs do not align with their own, and that judgment hardens into cruelty.
These attacks are not warranted. And their cumulative effect is that we have become a society that is cautious about what we say to one another, not out of thoughtfulness, but out of fear that we will be attacked, that our human dignity will be stripped away in response to an honest word.
That fear is corrosive. It keeps us from the dialogue we desperately need, especially as we face the Climate and Ecological Emergency together. We cannot cooperate if we are afraid to speak, and we cannot speak freely if every disagreement becomes an assault.
Where I Am Landing (For Now)
Although many of us become highly emotional and combative when confronted with cruelty, attacks on our human dignity, and other negative behavior, the key is to be above it. Not merely to rise above it in the moment, but to live a life in which it does not take hold of us, and, when it becomes too much, to say so assertively. There is nothing wrong with protecting one’s human dignity. Nothing at all.
Those who work hard to be cruel and disrespectful are often reacting to their own pain, to willful ignorance, or to blind allegiance to a force that manipulates their thinking. The Climate, Ecological, Humanity, Democracy, and Displacement Emergencies are like a very large corridor with many avenues. We can walk through them in fear, or we can walk through them in solidarity, supporting one another and refusing to be fazed by those who would keep us in the dark and in danger.
Sometimes I express myself through analogies and scenarios, but the heart of it is this: assertiveness, dignity, and respectful dialogue are what connect us and allow us to build resilient communities. When you are confronted with unhealthy behavior directed at you, do not react emotionally. Stop. Exhale first. Then calmly say, “That was wrong. Please don’t do it again.” And keep moving forward.
Protecting our Children & Biodiversity’s future towards a more sustainable and habitable Earth!
Note: Artificial intelligence is used as a tool to enhance my creativity and thinking. The perspective, experiences, and convictions here are my own.
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Addendum:
Please take time to read the blog posts I recently published at both climatechangecommunity.com and adaptive-resiliency.info (now a backup site for when others go down for whatever reason).
I recently spoke with a family member from the Bronx, and I want to point out two deeply ugly situations happening right now that are truly disturbing. By naming them here, I am taking a stance and calling out their inhumanity.
The first is what U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is doing to people who are here legally or who are working toward permanent residency. This does not mean that those who commit crimes should not be held accountable, but that number is very small. It is obvious at this point that this is about the color of our skin and rooted in racist intentions. It is wrong, and those committing these crimes should be held accountable.
The second is the genocide happening in Palestine. I don’t care what anyone says or what they want to call it; it is clearly an active genocide, the destruction of a society: seniors, men, women, the disabled, and most of all, children. It is utterly disgusting, and those perpetrating it should find themselves at The Hague, standing trial for these atrocities.
That being said, I strongly believe that along with protecting our own human dignity and rights, we must speak out to protect those of others.
— Tito
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